Celebrating women
published 30 Mar 2009, MST
Whereas men succeed because, women do so in spite of.
Generally, men have it easy.
They have lorded over societies for centuries and continue to do so today, albeit in varying degrees, depending on which part of the world you are talking about. There is much celebration, for instance, upon the birth of a male child, an heir to the throne or at least a carrier of the family name. It is as if men are groomed to succeed, professionally and otherwise, since the day they are born. They must not be distracted from this goal.
Of course, developments in recent decades have made it possible for men and women to get the same kind of education and start out on the same level as they become productive members of society. Physical tolerance for manual labor besides – and there's nothing we can do about nature – boys and girls attend the same schools, study the same lessons and have a fairly equal chance of bringing home good grades. Girls are no less likely to graduate as valedictorians as boys are. Then, as they seek the same entry-level position, they are probably going to be evaluated equally -- assuming they have the same skill level and that both the male and the female candidate are unmarried and/ or without children.
This is where it ends.
Despite the politically correct statements against discrimination, having a husband and children (or children only, in the case of single mothers) may be taken as a woman’s liability. This is not in any way illogical or arbitrary or cruel. The productivity and the dependability of the worker is a perfectly legitimate concern for the employer. The real ill is the assumption is that it is the woman who must single-handedly run the household and care for the children besides. Sadly, even in this day and age, the assumption is correct.
There are exceptions, of course. Even the Family Code says the management of the household is a shared endeavor between husband and wife. And there are in fact progressive-minded – and genuinely responsible – husbands who share with their wives more than the concern of earning money for the family’s needs. It’s a culture thing that prevents men from participating in household chores or helping the children with homework, but some men do appreciate that times are changing. They are so secure in their manhood that it’s all right if they wake up in the middle of the night to mix the baby’s formula, whip up a weekend lunch, help with the groceries, or wash the dishes if the maid extends a day-off to several days or weeks.
But for the most part, men get away with just earning money and performing very detached oversight functions. Some may bond with the kids during vacations or in trips to the mall, occasionally asking them about their grades and their friends, but that is all. These domestic CEOs are spared the gruesome details reserved for the rank-and-file. (Of course, the analogy is terrible. A family is more than a business enterprise because a lot of the value created in the home is psychic.) So they are clueless at how managing the household and raising happy, productive, loving children is a career perhaps more daunting than any other.
It is thus natural for a man to flourish professionally because he is able to focus. Why, he has everybody at his disposal – a maid to make sure his barong is pressed to perfection, an assistant to weed out the trivial and non-urgent matters from his day’s agenda, and a wife to hear his gripes and offer sound, insightful advice on matters both philosophical and mundane.
It’s one of numerous hats the wife wears. There’s one a woman puts on to deal with the children’s growing pains. One to make sure the system in the household runs like clockwork. Another to have an advocacy or give something of herself back to society. And yet another to pursue her own career.
And find fulfillment in it, as well. A study shows there are now more women in executive positions than there are men. That’s what’s fascinating. That’s what we are actually celebrating – and not just in the month of March.
Again, there are exceptions; among us, there are a handful of privileged women who are born into relative comfort and convenience. But for the rest of the female adult population, at least here in the Philippines with all our religious and cultural conventions, succeeding professionally, especially in traditionally male-dominated industries, does not come as easily as it does to men.
Worse, it is also as if a woman has to conduct herself – and sometimes look or speak – in a certain way. If she is too smart and too confident about her intellect, she is perceived as obnoxious and threatening. If she is too nice and agreeable, she is taken advantage of. She has to look pleasant but not too attractive (she will be perceived as a sex object) nor too unappealing (her contributions will consistently be downplayed.) It is as if she has to strike a balance and project a pre-determined image just to be taken seriously.
Nonetheless, most women still manage to do a good job. Oh, they don’t try to wear the pants (skirts are great, thank you very much) or displace the men by imitating their approach to getting things done. On the contrary, women lend their own touch to the way things work and that’s what makes them special.
It is not uncommon to find women lawyers discussing the intricacies of a complex case or a manager preparing a presentation to the board taking a break and making a call to the house, giving instructions to the maid on what to prepare for dinner or comforting a distraught toddler who has misplaced her favorite doll. The flexibility to attend to disparate but equally critical concerns consistently hones women’s decision-making and priority-setting abilities.
Indeed there are just too many things demanded of women, mothers especially. The pressure is overwhelming but nobody’s complaining. In fact, it only highlights the virtue of readiness to give more of themselves. Yes, women have this compulsion to be Superwoman. Yes, they fail, not because they are dumb or weak or inadequate but because they are humans not immune to fatigue or the blues.
And then they try again. With a lot of zeal, and a lot of love.
International women’s day was celebrated three weeks ago but it’s still women’s month. So hug your mother, daughter, girlfriend, wife, sister or aunt, not because it’s timely or fashionable or politically correct but because you appreciate all they do and are.
