Insides of a man
This was a creative writing assignment for the late Dr. Doreen Fernandez's English 13/14 class in Ateneo. I submitted this sometime in July 1993. Doreen remarked “Very Good!” and gave me an A minus.
**
To Rodolfo Espinosa, 21, corpses waiting to be slit open and organ-emptied are as commonplace as pan de sal on his breakfast table.
“Ito na ang pinakamagandang trabahong nakuha ko,” says the short, dark-skinned, curly-haired,and on that afternoon, slightly drunk embalmer. Fresh out of high school at fourteen, Rudy left his home in Bicol to seek some adventure in Manila. But work was scarce – the city was more mean and foreign than he could have imagined. He worked for a week at a construction site, “pero tatlong buhat pa lang nanakit na ang balikat ko.” As a gasoline boy, he was subjected to labor exploitation by his superiors. The lad became desperate: “Anak ng ***, nadukutan pa ako minsan sa Quiapo!”
But that was a long time ago. Today, Rudy is enjoying his job – where he is on his sixth year – at Valenzuela Memorial Homes, along McArthur Hi Way in Valenzuela, Metro Manila.
How did he get into this kind of work?
“Kilala kasi ng kumpare ng kuya ko ang boss dito,” Rudy explains. He relates that the first time he saw a cadaver at his feet, he instinctively jumped. But experience, as it always does, makes one tougher. After four days of working on corpses, he peeled off his gloves and began working with unprotected hands. And does he eat inside the morgue? “Merienda lang naman,” he says, and winks.
Truly an embalmer has to be something else – a special kind, a weird species. What does it take to be one? “Tatag ng loob at sikmura!” Rudy quips. “Dapat din matiyaga ka sa mga kamag-anak ng patay. Maraming gusto iyang mga yan, marami ring reklamo.”
And this man, after six years, now regards his work as honest and noble. “Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin maipagmalaki itong trabaho ko, pero okey na rin kaysa magnakaw ako o maghitit dyan sa tabi tabi.” His parents, though, make no secret of their wish to have him back in Bicol, he being their bunso. But Rudy refuses...”mganda na ang lagay ko dito. Mabait ang mga boss ko, maayos magpasahod.” Aside from the regular salary he gets from the management, he also earns an amount per body he embalms.
Rudy lives with some friends in a room above a printing press in Paranaque, commuting every day to work. “Walang kaso sa akin yun dahil wala naman akong sinusuportahan, nag-iisa lang ako.” Which means he must be longing to father a family on day? “Bakit naman hindi?” the young Bicolano smiles sheepishly. But he laments that every time he gets to know a girl he likes, she learns about his job and gets turned off right away. “Ako naman ay hindi sinungaling na tao. Yun nga lang, laging basted,” Rudy shakes his head and smilingly mumbles a native curse. “Pangit na nga, nagkukutingting pa ng patay – wala na!” Still, he is confident that someday a special woman will come. “Basta mahal ako, at tatanggapin kung ano ang hanapuhay ko...”
Has he ever worked on a corpse who was a relative or friend of his? Rudy admits to not being objective in this case. “Tao lang naman kami, nadadala rin. Hindi, hindi ko kaya...kahit na matagal na ako dito, hindi ko gagawin. Naku huwag naman sana...” He also shares his experience when a group of embalmers, including himself, was “exported” to Bocaue Bulacan after the Pagoda tragedy. “Tambakan doon, pila-pila ang patay.” The process was on a first come first served basis. “Nakakaawa, maraming bata ang dumaan sa akin.” It must have been a nightmare for their parents, Rudy shudders.
“Mabango naman ang tao,” he says, “pero naiintindihan ko kung bakit nandidiri ang marami sa ginagawa ko. Ako rin naman naging ganoon – pero sa umpisa lang. Hindi ito dapat pandirihan, lahat tayo, dito rin ang punta.” After all, this is just a bodily dimension, something we will have to leave on earthly soil as we go on to what is real living.
Embalmers do not want to remain so for a lifetime, of course. Most of them, Rudy included, dream of running a small business. This and a hoped-for family of his own are what illumine his otherwise routinary existence. Anyhow he is but 21 – and with genuine care, humility, love for work and enthusiasm in his heart, Rudy's loved ones can always be proud of him, no matter what his job may be.
